Feelings Books for Children: How to Read Them So They Work
A good feelings book does its work in the pictures and in the pauses. How you read it matters more than which one you pick, and the most common mistake is explaining the lesson once the story is over.
What makes a good feelings book for a young child?
It shows a feeling from the inside, and it doesn't hurry to fix it.
The useful ones let a character be properly angry, scared or sad for a few pages. You see what the feeling looks like in a body and what the character does about it, and then it changes. That shape is what a child is learning from: this is what it looks like, and it doesn't last forever.
The weaker ones name the feeling on page one, solve it by page three with a tip, and end on advice. Children can tell when a story has turned into instructions, and they stop listening at about that point.
A quick test in the shop: flip to the last page. If it's a list of calming tips, the book probably isn't a story.
How should I read a feelings book so it actually works?
Slowly, with stops, and without a moral at the end.
Pause on the pictures, not just the words. A lot of these books carry the feeling in the illustration: Sophie's red outline, the Color Monster's scribbled tangle. Let your child look for a while before you turn the page.
Ask one or two questions per reading, not ten. A reading that turns into a quiz stops being a story.
Skip the summary. "So you see, when we're angry we should..." undoes the work the book just did. The story already made its point, and the explanation just tells your child they were being taught something.
Then read it again, many times. The fifth reading is where children start saying the character's feelings before you get to them.
What questions should I ask while reading?
Questions about the body and questions about the character. Questions about your child's own behavior can wait for another day.
Good ones: "What do you think she's feeling right now?" "How can you tell?" "Where in his body do you think he feels it?" "Is it getting bigger or smaller?" "What would you do if you were him?"
The one to avoid in the moment is the direct link: "That's like you yesterday, isn't it?" It turns the book into a way of talking about the meltdown, and a child who spots that will start refusing the book. If they make the link themselves, and they often do, just agree and keep reading.
And if the answer seems wrong, ask what they saw. "He looks happy" about a crying bear is interesting, not a mistake to correct.
Which feelings books help children name what they feel?
Two are especially good for building vocabulary.
The Color Monster by Anna Llenas. The monster wakes up with all his feelings tangled together, and a girl helps him sort them into jars, one color each. Sorting is something a five-year-old already knows how to do, which is why this book works better than a chart. Afterwards, ask which jar today's feeling would go in.
In My Heart by Jo Witek. Each spread takes one feeling and describes what it's like from the inside: heavy, light, loud, full. It's gentle and quite short, and it's good for the question "what does it feel like?" rather than "what's it called?"
Read either one with the lights low and no hurry, at a time when nothing is going wrong.
What are the best books about anger for kids?
When Sophie Gets Angry — Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang is the clearest picture of anger rising and falling. Sophie explodes, runs out, climbs a tree, watches the water, and comes home once it has passed. Nobody lectures her. Ask when the anger stopped being big.
The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires is anger at your own failure, which is a different thing and very common at five. The girl gets angrier with each attempt, quits, walks it off with her dog, and comes back. The walk is the key page.
Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang is the funny one. Jim is grumpy for no reason, and everyone keeps telling him to cheer up, which only makes it worse. It's good for adults too.
Which books help with worry and fear?
Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival. Ruby's worry starts small, and it grows every time she ignores it, until she finds someone else who has one too and talks about it. That's an accurate picture of worry, and a five-year-old can follow it.
Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes. Wemberly worries about everything, and most of all about starting school. It's warm and a little funny, and it takes worry seriously without making it bigger. It's useful before any new start.
Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall is about fear rather than worry. Jabari insists he isn't scared of the diving board, then climbs down twice before he jumps. His father tells him it's okay to feel a little scared, and that line is worth pausing on.
What about sadness and missing someone?
The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld. Taylor's block tower gets knocked down, and a parade of animals arrives with advice: talk about it, shout, throw it away. The rabbit just sits close and listens. It's as much a book for parents as for children, and it's often the one adults remember.
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. Two children are told that everyone they love is connected to them by a string nobody can see, however far apart they are. Many families reach for it during separations, a parent traveling, or the start of school. Read it once or twice first and see how it lands with your child before you rely on it at a hard moment.
For a serious loss, talk to your pediatrician about what to read. A general feelings book isn't the right tool.
Should I read a feelings book right after a meltdown?
No. Wait at least until the next day.
Straight after a storm, a feelings book comes across as a verdict. However gently you choose it, the message a child hears is "this is about what you just did", and the book becomes the lecture you decided not to give. Some children will never pick it up again.
Read these books on ordinary days, when nothing is wrong, so they already feel familiar before they're needed. Then, days later, a small reference can do a lot: "It went up like Sophie's and then it went away, didn't it?" By then the character is someone your child knows, not something you pulled out for the occasion.
The best time for a feelings book is before the feeling shows up.
The course pairs a book with each of its 24 lessons, with one question to ask as you read.